In The Meantime...

I'm tired.

In fact, and in all reality, I'm tired of being tired.

I've been pretty down for quite a long time and yesterday, I just got tired with it-- I just got DONE with it.  It has been far too long and I have released far too much power to all the negative things that utterly surround me.  And they do surround me.  But, I am stronger.  There are some things that I will never give up on.

I will never give up on Faith.
Even though I am far from perfectly living and even though I struggle to hear that Voice, I will never give up on the good and hard fight.  I will always believe.

I will never give up on Hope.
Hope is the only thing that I have that is solely mine.  It is what saves me when the darkness comes.  It is the dream of something better planned for me.  It is the only dream I have left.

I will never give up on Love.
Some think it is foolish and perhaps it is, but we were created as relational creatures.  There is nothing stronger than giving yourself up to Love.  Nothing except perhaps giving yourself up to receive it.

I am tired.

I am tired of being tired.

I am also strong.

I am a child being loved and held in a Father's arms.

I am weak.

I am still loved.

I am far from perfect.

I am still adored.

I am directionless.

I am unfinished.

This past weekend, I had planned on simply doing some writing (just some things for fun-- personal projects), but plans changed.  Friday night, I felt very dark and unwilling to make a move to do something.  Anything.  So, instead, I read.  I finished a book by Brennan Manning called "the furious longing of God".

It's funny how sometimes when you need something, it presents itself at just the right moment.  It was exactly what I needed-- a reminder; a reminder of God's true heart and the depth of amazing, unimaginable love He gives.  He gives it to me and He gives it to you.

So, yeah.  I did some soul searching.  I did some yelling.  I fought and I pushed and I got pushed.  I will fail again and I will get down again.  The world is fallen and so am I.

I got it out.  And I remembered-- I am still loved.   I am unfinished.

In the meantime, it's good to remember the good things every once and awhile.  Far too many times we let those little black things in to distract us from the truth that screams at the top of its lungs right in front of our faces.


"Abba, I belong to you."


Brice